Notes to Self #1: Dresses

Dear You —

I saw you the other day hanging all your dresses up on hangers that didn’t match.  Some of them were plastic, others were metal.  Some were bent or rusty.  It looked like their wear and non-uniformity perturbed you, and that took up your energy.  I saw you fighting not to care, but it still showed a little.

You had to take a break from putting your dresses away to lie on the bed and release the constriction that was slowly gaining on your lungs and your throat.  You rolled around in the fabrics of the dresses that had yet to be hung, everything soft and light and quiet.  I know you were working on a way to let go and keep going, to stay inspired even though there was a very loud and bitter voice in your head stuck in a loop saying “You can’t even get through a simple tidying task without breaking down.  What will you ever truly accomplish?”

Here’s what I wanted to tell you:

All of the things that you do are accomplishments.

They come in different shapes and sizes and energy fields.  Some of them give you a sense of self-empowerment while some feel more like failures.  Maybe a more accurate term would be experiences.  Each experience is an accomplishment, regardless of whether you add the good story or the bad story to it.  In the end, your definition of it can change its texture but it won’t change its shape.  It’s still something that you carried to completion, and that is worth something.

Honor these passages of time.  Even the ones that consist of completing half a task and then collapsing on your bed in obsessive anxiety.  You did that – it was a thing on your timeline – and from here on out, it will never not be a thing on your timeline.  It will always and forever be something that happened.  And though it may not make you feel proud or capable, it made you feel something, and feeling things is a valuable component of the being that you are.  So you see, nothing is wasted.  Everything is a key.

So go ahead and take some time to stare at the ceiling and wallow.  You will be filled to the brim with clarity and inspiration in a few days’ time, I promise.  How do I know this?  Because I know that’s just how this all works.  An ebb and flow, a rise and fall; a cycle, a cycle, a cycle.  Some things die, some things bloom.  Some things come around again and again, not only until the lesson has been learned, and even sometimes after that, just to remind you that all is a cycle.  That is the nature of things: You will die, but you will bloom again.  That is the only lesson you need to know.

With love,